Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have sā¬x.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
My girlfriend told me that Iām starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.