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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here