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I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.