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Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that`s my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…