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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.