Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?