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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
It should really be called teethpaste.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.