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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell