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A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink