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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)