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Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....