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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.