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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I`d choke to death swallowing it.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
How do we know that all the ancient Greek sculptures aren`t just victims of Medusa?
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.