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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Of course you should follow me. Iām funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.