Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.