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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.