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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs