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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.