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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/