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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"