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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
β€œI promise”, β€œI am sorry”, and β€œI love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does β€œbullshit”.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.