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I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
This century is already 15% over.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."