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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.