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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.