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Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Is there another word for synonym?
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.