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There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
It was so cold today the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.