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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!