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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.