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One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.