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It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.