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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.