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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.