Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.