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Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome