Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!