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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.