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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.