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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day