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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.