Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.