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I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window