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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Hello...
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.