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ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.