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I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Is there another word for synonym?
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.