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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.