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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.