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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?