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My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
I`m tired of things costing money
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?