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Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.