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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.