Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.