Daily Silly Status

Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!

I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.

You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.

Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.

My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.

The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”

Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.

( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!

I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.

Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.

Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?

My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.