Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
I have nothing!