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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
I hide my vodka in orange juice
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook