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I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I’m late for a disappointment.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.