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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.