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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.