Daily Silly Status

Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.

I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.

Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.

I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.

Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.

FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".

I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.

The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.

Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?

I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.

I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!

Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole

My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.

I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...

I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets