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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
The wet spot in my bed is tears
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.