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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues