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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
Back in my day we had 9 planets.