Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol