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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Bacon...need I say more
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?