Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?