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Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?