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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar