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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
I drink to make other people interesting
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.