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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!