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A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.