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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?