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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !