Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...