Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!