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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
Being normal is boring.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.