Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......