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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!