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my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.