Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?