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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"