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Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
No pants are the best pants.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?