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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.