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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.